So I was killing some time the other evening on Pinterest and stumbled across a pin of a quote by Oscar Wilde. As I’m a bit of a sucker for witty and inspirational quotes, this one struck me not necessarily as inspirational but as depressing:

“Nowadays, people know the the price of everything and the value of nothing.”

The more I looked at it, the more I found it – sadly – to be pretty accurate. Whether it’s an actual quote of his or not, I have no clue.  But what I most certainly DO know is I blame this reality on the drama-soaked shit-show known as the Kardashians. And bad Hip Hop. And SallyAnn Salsano. But mostly the Kardashians. And typically, anything and everything Kardashian makes me want to go on a 13-state killing spree with my 6-iron.

Wait.

You know what?

Check that.

I don’t blame the Kardashinas. They may be strong enough to turn formerly beloved American icon Bruce Jenner into a melty-faced eunuch, but they’re clearly not bright enough to pull something of this magnitude. Right? Not on their own, at least.

No, I blame jackhole Ryan Seacrest for unleashing this Armenian unholiness upon us, blanketing us all with a napalm-esque media barrage of these whoremongering tramps against our will. Why Ryan Seacrest, you ask? Last week I was checking out at Target and while waiting, I perused the magazine rack to see if there was anything worth impulse buying. I counted some form of Kardashian-ness on five of the eight magazines next to the register. That’s a full 62.5% of the last second reading material section devoting ink to this family of…of…guh. You know what? I don’t even want to know.

Wait.

Crap.

Maybe they ARE smart enough to take over. If that’s the case, God help us all.