Me: I don’t know if I’m more disappointed that you have a felony on your record now or that you were dumb enough to get caught in the first place. Stanford doesn’t typically accept criminals, dumbass.

C Todd: Hahahaha…one of Caroline’s stupid neighbors called the cops on us when we were TP’ing and then we were stupid and didn’t wait until the cop left to drive away.

Me: Newsflash – you got caught because you are rookies and suck at pranks. There is so much I need to teach you and your clown ass friends…

C Todd: Come with us next time when we use the rest of our supplies!

Me: Sorry, chump…I don’t work with amateurs.