So apparently, this fuckery will exist sometime in the near future:

Seriously, Nabisco? Is the four-eleventy-thousand-billion dollars you’re raking in by owning the sandwich cookie market not enough for you? Have you no soul?

Who greenlighted the production of this schmaschmortion? I want names. I want heads to roll. I want the weight of my hand to be felt.

But seriously. These things look vomtastic. And no, that’s nowhere near the vicinity of a complement.

The only Oreo that should actually exist is the Double Stuff. Period. End of discussion. Everyone knows this. Every. One. People who have never even HEARD of an Oreo know this. I mean, come on…even Mr. Nabisco knows the regular Oreo didn’t have enough filling or you wouldn’t have invented the Double Stuff in the first place. He’d be rolling in his grave if he knew some R&D toady signed off on this vom.

Sidebar: Now I’m wondering if there actually IS a Mr. Nabisco and if he’s alive or dead. Yes. This thought ACTUALLY entered my brain just now. I’m pretty sure it’s time to get professional help.

That said…kindly eat a bag of dicks, Nabisco.

No, wait. Check that. Not a bag. A satchel.

Kindly eat a satchel of dicks, Nabisco.

No, wait. Check that. Not a satchel. A buffet.

Yes.

Kindly eat an entire buffet of dicks, Nabisco. I’m certain it would taste better than Cotton Candy Oreos.

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