The past 36 hours at my house has seen some serious 12-year-old drama, in the form of much sought after tickets to the upcoming Chaminade mixer.

Word was my sister-in-law was going to purchase said tickets but Blondie #2 “had it under control”, as a friend of a friend was going to sell her the extra 5 she had…only to find out late Tuesday evening that the friend of a friend sold her out by giving the tickets to a different friend. DRAMA!

Long story longer, after making a call or 17 to some of my friends who may (or may not) be part of the St. Louis Catholic Mafia and using approximately 439G of cell phone data – we have acquired five of the aforementioned sought after tickets. Well, I THINK we’ve acquired five of the aforementioned sought after tickets. I’m supposed to make the exchange this evening prior to U13 Elite’s soccer practice tonight – and if a 44-year old dude handing an envelope full of cash to a 12-year old in exchange for junior high mixer tickets at a soccer field doesn’t scream 21 Jump Street episode, I don’t know what does.

So as this all shook out in the kitchen pre-soccer practice last night with Blondie #2, I of course took the moment to make sure she understood the life lessons to be taken away from this whole clusterfuck – namely, the following:

– Friends of friends, whom you don’t know and have never met, shouldn’t be trusted until they earn it.

– When your Aunt has Chaminade mixer tickets IN HER HANDS, telling her you don’t need them because a friend of a friend (again, whom you don’t know) is hooking you up is generally a terrible idea.

– It sucks when your 7th grade friends are pissed at you because you didn’t come through with mixer tickets and they almost missed what may or may not be THE mixer of the year.

– Never rat on your friends, and always keep your mouth shut.

Relax – that last one was NOT part of the life lessons conversation…although it probably should be at some point.

On top of that, as she handed me an envelope stuffed with $50 in cash to acquire said tickets Blondie #2 pulled a $20 out of her soccer bag because – apparently – she’s also become a distributor of necklaces made by her friend Mia to her junior high school squad. Aside from shaking my head trying to figure out why a 12-year old has $70 in cash on her, my immediate thought was, “Oh my God…is she the second coming of Mike Damone?” Minus the asshole-ish, douchebag qualities, of course.

While I admire her initiative (despite her flawed capability to acquire tickets in a timely manor), I will tell you this – if she knocks up Stacy Hamilton, I’m totally grounding her until she’s 37.